and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
