Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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