Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
