I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
