Me. At least after what I've been through.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
