The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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