I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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