Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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