She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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