You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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