This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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