I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
