he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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