There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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