I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
