Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
