you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
