BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
