My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
