ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
