I hate your face
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
