i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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