it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
