So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
