I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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