If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
