Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
