Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
