Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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