Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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