I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
