My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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