It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
