There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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