pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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