we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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