I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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