This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my being single is dangerous.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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