Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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