My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize