Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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