This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
