just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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