And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
