In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
