You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
