I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
