I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
