Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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