By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
