apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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