i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
