Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
home. puking in laundry basket.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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