TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am naked and annoyed.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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