so that wasnt chicken after all
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
