benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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