he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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