just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
