Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
