the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
