Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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