i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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