I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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