she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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