that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
