I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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