I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
