I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
