I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
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My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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