I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
FUCK WHALES
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
