are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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