Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
