I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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