i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
