How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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