Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
