i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
