: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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