the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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